I fear that I have upset some therapists with my last Insight. In fact, I know that I have as I have been told as much. This is my attempt at making amends.
Here goes:
I am a therapist. Lots of my friends are therapists. I am a believer in therapy. BUT:
- It must be the right match between therapist and clients
- Therapy should not be forced on individuals
- If a child, adolescent or adult doesn’t want to go or like going, that may be showing a problem
- Autistic and PDA individuals need to go to affirming therapists
- You can decide not to send your PDA child to therapy and still be a good parent
- No therapy is better than therapy that doesn’t fit
- There are other options for personal growth besides therapy
Therapy is all about the relationship. And trust. It takes time to develop. I have not taken new therapy clients for years but continue to see a handful of clients. I have seen all of them for at least a decade and some for 15, 20 or even more years. My approach works for these people.
I treat people how I would want to be treated. That pretty much sums up my approach. I accept my clients for who they are, don’t have a need to fix them, I apologize when I make a mistake and am clear that when we are together it is their needs, not mine, that matter most.
I don’t think that every therapeutic approach works for PDA people unless it is individualized and modified.
I have been told that many types of therapy are good for PDA individuals. I believe it but think it is the therapist who is most important. Therapy homework generally does not work. Talking about what they did wrong, causes shame. Clients do not need to be reminded about expectations. And some autistic people like me, cannot put feelings into words. That needs to be understood, or clients will just make up how they feel to please the therapist.
It is the therapist’s job to create felt safety.
And I am old, so I am a believer in the traditional ways I was first taught. In the first week of Social Work school in 1985, I was taught there are 3 principles of working with clients; start where your client is, have a nonjudgemental attitude and allow your clients’ self-determination. Not fancy but every problem I have had with a client has always come back to my making a mistake in one of those 3 areas.
There is no one size fits all in therapy.
The best type of therapy is the one that the client sitting across from you needs.
Many neurodivergent people (and allistic people) have had terrible therapy experiences.
- I want individuals to be selective in finding therapists.
- I want people to quit if they are not feeling comfortable.
- I want therapists to keep learning and seek out training and consultation.
- And I love seeing therapists at our trainings and conferences.
I believe that partnering with a client in their journey of self-understanding is a beautiful thing and I feel so privileged that I have been able to do that with so many people over the last few decades. It is not because I don’t believe in therapy that I warn caution. It is because I view therapy as precious that I want it to work for those who seek it.
