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Holidays are often hard for emotionally intense and sensitive gifted and twice-exceptional kids.
Many things that are “supposed” to be fun can be a source of stress for gifted/2e kids and their families. (I’ve written about that before here.)
On Halloween, this might include:
- Costumes can feel itchy or uncomfortable
- Parties can feel socially stressful or overwhelming from a sensory perspective
- Trick-or-treating can trigger social anxiety or discomfort
- Candy hauls can feel unfair or disappointing
- Lots of excitement and novelty can lead to overstimulation
- Unpredictable variables like other trick-or-treaters or weather can cause stress when things don’t go according to plan or how your child envisioned
If you live somewhere Halloween is celebrated, how can you set up your kid and your family for a holiday that feels less stressful and more successful? Below are a few key principles to consider, plus some examples of how to put them into action.
Offer lots of autonomy and flexibility
Most gifted/2e kids and teens crave more autonomy and flexibility than their neurotypical peers. Holidays can be particularly stressful for kids who are PDAers or who are sensitive to demands, because holidays involve a lot of societal pressure to dress, act, and feel a certain way.
It might be helpful to explicitly build in opportunities for autonomy and flexibility in the days leading up to Halloween and on the day itself.
For example –
- Give your kid or teen a lot of freedom about what costume they want, allow them to get/make multiple costumes, or allow them to opt to wear no costume (or a very simple costume that you might otherwise think doesn’t “count”)
- If your kid is excited about a weird, odd, unique, or niche costumes, see if you can join their excitement and show enthusiasm, even if you think no one else will “get” it
- If your kid enjoys decorations, consider whether you can give them opportunities to choose what decorations they like (e.g., which pumpkin to pick, which hanging decorations to buy, which designs to cut out of paper)
- Offer ways for your kid to opt out of activities or aspects of the activity that don’t work for them (e.g., allow them to skip their school party or leave early; say “trick or treat” for them; skip trick-or-treating or stop early)
- Allow your kid to change their costume or change their mind about an activity
- Let your kid know that it’s okay to be really excited or not excited – scared or not scared – interested in celebrating or not interested in celebrating – that all feelings and reactions are welcome and okay
- Let your kid opt out of celebrating Halloween if they prefer (you could still buy candy for them or plan something else fun, like an at-home movie marathon)
Proactively support regulation
If you know some aspects of the day may be hard for your kid, it might be helpful to think about ways you can proactively support their regulation in those moments. Another way to think about this – consider what supports you could offer so your kid feels set up for success.
For example –
- Quick, easy snacks after school or before trick-or-treating, so they’re not hungry while out and about (you could also serve an early dinner if your kid is able to eat it before going out – though for some kids, they’re too excited to sit and focus much on eating)
- Portable lights to carry while walking, if they’re afraid of the dark
- Headphones or other ear protection during school parties or trick-or-treating (you could even decorate them as part of a costume)
- Extra parental support and attention during transitions
- Extra screen time, parental support, or soothing activities at bedtime to wind down from the day
Consider and honor capacity
I love Halloween, and it can also be a LOT.
Some schools have celebrations during the day, and trick-or-treating can be a lot to manage during the evening, when kids might usually be eating, relaxing, or getting ready for bed. There can be a lot of sensory overwhelm and new experiences, plus a lot of scary or unpredictable elements to the day.
It might be helpful to thoughtfully consider what your kid could easily manage without becoming overwhelmed, and what’s likely to be too much for them.
If you think some aspect of the day will be too hard for them to manage, could you opt out? Provide more support? Shorten their time at the event?
If Halloween tends to overwhelm your kid’s capacity, or you think it might, here are some ideas to honor limited capacity on Halloween (though these are just examples; feel free to get creative) –
- Start trick-or-treating earlier and end earlier, before it gets darker and busier
- Seek out a less-crowded, less-popular area for trick-or-treating
- Help them choose a very comfortable, low-prep costume – or something they love and are excited to wear
- Skip optional parties or gatherings, or leave early (especially if your child isn’t particularly interested)
- Bring a wagon, scooter, or stroller, or offer to give piggy back rides – to reduce how much your child needs to walk
- Stay close to home so there’s not a long walk back
- If your kid gets stressed when trick-or-treaters come to your door or take candy from your house, it’s okay to opt out and not distribute candy
- Consider loosening limits around candy, so they don’t have to exercise a lot of self-control at the end of the night
How else do you support your kid or teen on Halloween? I’d love to hear what’s worked for you.
To celebrating or not celebrating, in whatever way works for you –
Danika
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Dr. Danika Maddocks | The Gifted Learning Lab | www.giftedlearninglab.com
